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Yesterday I started 3 poems but did not finish them – that is not like me – normally when a poem shows up it wants to truck on through. This time though I recognized that something was amiss.

“I” wanted to them to be more than what they were.

Each was a facade and I abandoned them to write the Addicts Voice.

What did not get said is the emotion that I was feeling and have been feeling…

Scared
I am scared
That is what I have been hiding
That is what I have been running away from
Scared

I learned tonight to sit in my feelings
Not bury them or pass them over
Not numb them
Deny them
But just to sit in them
They show up
Notice them
Acknowledge them
Even thank them

So what am I afraid of
mainly that I am not enough

The thing I have been afraid of all my life

Not enough… you can fill in the rest

I am climbing a mountain
That i have never climbed before
Never been willing to climb
This time I am ready

And scared shows up
It is natural isn’t it
Likely before I eventually summit
Eventually start to walk the valley
On the other side of this and many more mountains, many more feelings will show up

That is okay
Like travellers they will pass through
I will honour them
Thank them
Even offer them a cup of tea
To say what they need to say

Then we will part
As we each continue on our journey

Thank you I am scared
Thank you I am not enough

Feb 17, 2015

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